Gaara's Journal
by XxEijibabyxX
Summary: What better way to creep in the life of Gaara then in his journal?
1. Gaara's journal

Gaara's Journal

By: XxEijibabyxX - aka - Samantha

Hey people! I'm back with another Gaara fanfiction. I really l enjoy writing this one cause it's different from what you see in other fanfictions. If you don't like it I don't care just don't be filling up my mailbox with hatemail because that gets annoying. GAARA FANS SHALL BE WORSHIPED! Oh and if anyone would like to take over the world with cookies and coffee, Gaara and I have already started so please join us.

Have you ever wondered what your favorite sand ninja would write in his journal? Read this...oh, and don't be such a drag.

Kankuro and Temari were eager to see what Gaara writes about in his journal. After all, he can't sleep, so what _does _he do in 9 hours? "Psst! Hey! Temaarrii!" Kankuro whispered 3inches from his sister's face.

"What do you want? Get out of my face!" she replied. Temari was engrossed in a new TV show originally aired in the Leaf Village: "Cooking ramen with Naruto Uzumaki".

"Temari! This is impoorrttaanntt!!" He continued to whisper. Kankuro looked around to see if "he" was there, and began explaining. "We're going to get revenge on Gaara."

"Why?" Temari asked confused with why Kankuro would risk his life to do such a thing.

"Ssshhh! He can not hear or find out anything about this!" Still whispering, he looked around again. "Come with me I have a plan."

"Ugh. Whatever." She replied. Temari shut off the TV and followed Kankuro into...the bathroom? "What are we doing in here?"

"Ok. We have to do this now while "he" isn't near his room. We are going to read Gaara's journal." Kankuro explained. He looked out to make sure the red headed ninja wasn't in sight. "C'mon let's go."

"No. This is retarted. Do you know what Gaara would do to you if he saw you with his journal? I'm leaving now while I'm still alive." Temari said. She began to walk away when Kankuro tripped her.

"Pplleeaassee come with me!" He begged looking down at her. Temari stood back on her feet and hit her brother upside the head.

"I'll go with you but you do that again and you'll be hurting in places unknown." She said with a serious face. Temari followed him to Gaara's room at the end of the hall. Making sure the coast was clear, Kankuro led her into the dark, mess of a room. Gaara was in his office. He was sitting behind his desk absorbed in work, so he hadn't a care about his sneaky siblings.

"Did you find it yet?" Kankuro asked. So far, they had looked through every book on his shelf, in his closet, through both dressers, and under his bed.

"No." Temari replied putting everything carefully back in place. "Wait, check his bed again."

"We checked already!" Kankuro complained. Temari walked over to it and lifted up the mattress. Nothing. She looked under the sheets, behind his teddy bear. Nothing. The last thing were the pillows. Under the second one, she had found a little black book.

"Found it." she said. Kankuro ran over to her and they both eagerly opened it to page one.

_Entry 1 Weirdos_

_Those morons I live with, my so called "siblings", they are weird to the third power. Kankuro plays with dolls, and Temari. . .she likes Shikamaru. He's always going around saying: "What a drag." or "It's too troublesome." What does she see in him? I'm afraid to eat her food too. That broccoli looked like barf and the cookies were totally black! I like to watch people sleep sometimes but not them. I am scarred after walking into Kankuro's room. Get some pajamas dude. Temari snores. Talk about loud! Well, I must go. Shukaku is tantalizing me with cookies._

"We have a messed up brother." said Kankuro.

"I don't snore! My food isn't that bad and I'm gonna mess him up for making fun of Shikamaru!"

"Actually. . .that broccoli had me in the bathroom for three hours."

_Entry 2 Zits_

_Like oh my Kami. There is this thing on my forehead and could it be? A zit! This is just wonderful. Maybe I should pop it and see what happens. . . (moments later) That was a bad idea. Now it's bigger, redder, and the fact that I have no eyebrows makes it way more noticeable. Temari and Kankuro would laugh to death if they saw it. Where are the bandages?_

Both siblings started laughing hysterically "Sshh!" They paused for a minute to make sure Gaara didn't hear them, and continued reading.

_Entry 3 Revenge_

_I've been thinking about getting revenge on my so-called "siblings". I don't know why. I guess you wouldn't call it revenge. I wonder what they write in their journals. Kankuro's is purple. I find that creepy. I mean, he plays with dolls! So immature. Even Shukaku agrees. Temari's is probably worse because everything is probably about Shikamaru. I don't want to go on. I think I'll start planning tomorrow._

_P.s. I hate Shikamaru_.

"So that's why he laughs when we cross paths! Maybe he's planning in his office right now!" Kankuro said. "Hey, Temari?" he asked but she was long gone. Instead of seeing the kunoichi, he saw a pair of blue-green eyes staring coldly into his. "H-hi Gaara!" Kankuro tried to sound cheerful but knew that he should be running for his life. Gaara held out his arm and pointed down the hallway. That was the "I'll give you a head start" signal. Kankuro handed Gaara the journal and began running for his life.

(3 days later. . .)

"You think he'll live?" Temari asked staring at Kankuro and his new body cast.

"He's lucky just to get the cast. He'll be fine." Gaara said standing beside his sister. Kankuro tried to mumble something but with his body, along with his face all wrapped up, he wouldn't be talking for a long while. Gaara returned to his room and set his gourd down in the corner which contained his journal. "Finally," he began to laugh "I can plot my revenge!"


	2. Kankuro's journal and revenge

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 2 - Revenge

About a month had passed and Gaara was done plotting revenge against Kankuro. That day, however, Kankuro returned to the hospital so the doctors could decide if he should get his cast off or not. Meanwhile at home, Gaara silently shuffled from his room to the living room. Temari was once again watching her now favorite TV show: Cooking Ramen With Naruto Uzumaki.

"Come with me or else." Gaara commanded.

"Okay." She simply replied. Temari didn't want to end up like Kankuro. She had better things to do than play a mummy all day. "Where are we going?" She asked following him down the hallway towards where each of their rooms were.

"To get revenge." He replied.

"Oh so that's why you laugh menacingly at him like this morning at breakfast." Temari said. They soon entered Kankuro's room.

"Look for his journal." Gaara commanded. Temari did as told and began searching like she had in Gaara's room. If Kankuro told him, Temari would be done for.

"Oh God." Temari said in disgust at what she saw before her. Kankuro's purple journal lay beneath a pair of white, unwashed underwear.

"Ew." was all Gaara could manage to say. He grabbed a pencil off of Kankuro's desk, and threw the underwear onto Kankuro's bed beside crow. Both of them opened the journal to the first page and began reading.

_Entry 1 My room, 10:45pm_

_First of all, crow is not a doll. He is a puppet and a good weapon (or at least I think so). Temari, this makeup goes good with my cat suit. You don't make fun of Gaara! Well. . . his isn't makeup. Her cooking is a disgrace too. I can't believe I haven't gotten like food poisoning. I'm definitely afraid to eat Gaara's food. . .if he can cook that is._

"My cooking is not that bad!" Temari said. Gaara gave her a stern look.

"I don't wear eyeliner and I can cook." he stated, then flipped the page and continued reading.

_Entry 2 Bathroom, 7:30pm_

_Temari can't cook for her life. Now I'm stuck here and guess why? Thanks Temari! I wonder what Gaara is planning. Every time we cross paths he will laugh menacingly. Today at breakfast he was laughing at his cereal. You know, I don't think cereal is that funny. I wonder what he's up to. . ._

"That's it I'm out of here. If my cooking stinks that bad, he can make dinner for himself!" Temari said. She turned and walked down the hallway. As soon as no one was around, Gaara laughed madly.

"Time for part 2 of my revenge!" He said. Gaara returned to the living room to find none other than Kankuro back from the hospital. He was sitting on the couch, his feet on the table, and he was playing his Nintendo DS. Gaara didn't make any kind of noise. It took Kankuro about 30 seconds to notice that Gaara had been standing there, staring at him with his arms folded across his chest.

"Hi Gaara." Kankuro said, his eyes still on the screen. Gaara remained silent. Kankuro closed his DS still leaving it on, and set it on the table. "Listen, what are you planning against me? You laugh at me every day when we cross paths, you write about me in your journal, and you were laughing at your cereal. How is cereal of all things that funny?" Kankuro explained.

"Leave my journal out of this cat man." Gaara said. Now Kankuro looked puzzled. Did Gaara just call him _Cat man _? He wore a cat suit and all but "cat man" was taking it too far.

"You wanna start something raccoon boy? C'mon we can take this outside."Kankuro said pointing to the front door. What? Gaara didn't look like a raccoon (or at least he didn't think so).

"Don't worry. You have nothing to fear. Take it easy. You don't want to have another accident." Gaara said. He grinned and walked away. Kankuro once again looked confused. Accident? What Gaara did to him was no accident. It was on purpose and Kankuro wasn't planning to do it again. Also, why was Gaara being nice all of a sudden? What did he mean by "take it easy." What in the word is he planning?!?! Later, Kankuro was writing in his journal before bed.

_Entry 3 My room, 9:53pm_

_I'm highly confused right now. I officially know now that Gaara is planning against me. He started being all nice and stuff saying stuff like "take it easy". I'm afraid he might do something diabolical._

He closed his journal, put it away, and sat up on his bed. Kankuro was afraid to sleep that night. What if Gaara came into his room and did something to him while he was sleeping? Forty minutes had passed and so far, nothing had happened. Just when Kankuro thought everything was okay, things changed. Everything fell silent and then footsteps were heard getting louder. A door closed, then there was silence again. Kankuro's eyes widened as there was a loud noise near his door as if someone kicked it really hard. The door fell and landed before his bed. In walked a smiling sand ninja with something in his arms. "Goodnight Kankuro!" he said happily and set a giant stuffed cookie monster at the foot of Kankuro's bed, then left leaving the sesame street character staring directly at Kankuro.

It was holding a jar of cookies in one hand and a single cookie in the other. It's big bulging eyes, that all black smile, and the blue messed up fur made the "monster" in "cookie monster" true. Kankuro didn't understand why little kids found it appealing, but that wasn't on his mind. He was now shaking in an upright fetal position on his bed near the top, being sure to stay away from the "monster". His lamp flickered and then went out leaving his room pitch black except for a little light from his window shining on cookie monster's furry face. "DON'T KILL ME!" he screamed, turning away and putting his hands infront of his face. Gaara laughed. He was in the kitchen messing with the electricity. An angry kunoichi soon appeared infront of him.

"Knock it off Gaara! Baki told you not to do that! Now I have to reset my clock." She explained and walked away. Gaara decided that was enough for today. He turned the electricity back on, and headed back to his room. He reached the end of the hallway when none other than Kankuro ran into him looking really scared. He tried to change his look but it was obvious.

"Hello Gaara." he said. Gaara smiled.

"Where are you off to?" he asked.

"Bathroom." Kankuro lied. He tried to leave but Gaara blocked his way.

"Nonsense! Now let's get you back to bed." he said and pushed Kankuro back into his room. Gaara saw down at his desk and pulled out a book.

_Entry 4 Revenge-Part 2_

_Part 2 of my revenge took action today. I was dying. First, I confused Kankuro with kindness, then, before bedtime, I put my stuffed cookie monster infront of his bed and his expression was hilarious! I wish Shukaku could've been there. Finally, I started messing with the electricity box in the kitchen on the wall. Temari was angry about that but my revenge was a success! Now, I must plan for tomorrow._

He slipped the journal into his desk. The night had passed rather quickly and Gaara wanted to see how Kankuro slept. He walked into the kitchen and prepared coffee for himself as he usually would. Temari walked into the kitchen not to much later. "What did you do to our brother?" She asked doing the same as Gaara. Gaara laughed.

"I just wanted to mess with him." he replied.

"For reading your journal?" She asked.

"Yes. Oh, and don't think I don't know that you were in on that too. I know everything Temari." he said. Temari's expression changed and now she was wary of what Gaara might do to her. A month had passed, so had he gotten over it? Now she had to keep an eye on him.

"When should we wake Kankuro up?" she asked turning towards Gaara.

"How about now?" They both got up, set the coffee down, and headed toward Kankuro's room.

"Where's the door?" Temari whispered. Gaara remained silent. Temari also noticed the giant cookie monster in the corner but she didn't ask about that. They approached his bed. Kankuro actually fell asleep. Now it was time to rise and shine. Temari tapped him on the arm but he didn't budge.

"Wake up cat man!" Gaara yelled in his ear. Kankuro flew up from his sleep.

"I SWEAR I DON'T LIVE ON SESAME STREET!" He shouted, breathing heavy and sweating.

"What in the world were you dreaming about?" Temari asked. Kankuro pointed to Gaara, then the entrance to his room which now remained with no door. Both siblings left. "Now I have to go to the hardware store and get him a new door." It had been moved against the wall and had a huge crack where Gaara kicked it. He returned to the kitchen, grabbed his cup of coffee, and went to his office.

"Now," said Gaara "time to plan part three of my revenge, and that should be it for a while."


	3. Revenge Part 3

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 3 - Revenge part 3

Temari left to the hardware store for Kankuro's door while Kankuro was playing his DS. Meanwhile, Gaara was in his room again writing in his journal.

_Entry 5Revenge - Part 3_

_Part 2 was successful. Last night, I finally finished part 3. Shukaku had some good ideas. This part shall take action tonight and throughout tomorrow. Cat man (Kankuro) is playing his DS again in the living room. He does not like the movie "The Exorcist". It scared the hell out of him but of course, he has to act really cool. I call him cat man because of that suit. Also, are those cat ears that he's hiding?_

Gaara put the journal away and waited out the rest of the day. He spent some time on the computer looking up photos, then kicked the crap out of Sasuke on "Naruto Clash of Ninja 2". It seemed that Kankuro was avoiding him. Whenever he went into any room that Kankuro was in, Kankuro would get up and move to another room in the house. Gaara was getting hungry so he decided to make ramen. On the way to the kitchen, he saw Kankuro walking back toward the living room again.

"CAT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!" Gaara yelled as they passed each other. Kankuro didn't like it when people called him cat man. He ignored his little brother. Temari came through the door carrying another door in her arms.

"Gaara listen to me, this door doesn't get broken, got that? It was quite expensive." She explained. Gaara ignored her and went straight to the pantry to get something to eat. He was kind of in the mood for instant ramen. Unfortunately, there was none left. None that you make in the Styrofoam cups, nor the kind that you boil on the stove. Naruto must have taken them all. He would have to go to Shop Rite to get more. Wait, they don't have a Shop Rite in Sunagakure. . .or do they? That didn't matter. There was a ramen crisis and Gaara was going to go to Konoha tomorrow. He went for his second choice of food, cookies. There wasn't any cookies left either. Then he remembered that he and Shukaku had been eating them the night before while plotting revenge.

Kankuro entered the kitchen silently and walked right passed Gaara towards the refrigerator. Gaara decided to skip the snack and wait until dinner even though he was in the mood now for the kind of cookies that your mom would make. The thought of food was getting to him now. Now he was off to Shop Rite (or whatever other store that the sand ninja shop at.) "Later CAT MAAAAAN!!!" Gaara yelled. He quickly ran out the door. Kankuro slammed the fridge. His little brother was really pissing him off and he knew that Kankuro hated to be called cat man. Well, since Temari was putting up the door, he couldn't go in his room but on the other hand, Gaara was gone so Kankuro could write in peace.

_Entry 4Living room, 2:10pm_

_Finally! I'm alone, well not completely. Temari is putting up my new bedroom door which raccoon boy (Gaara) kicked in. You know, I really can't stand him. It's like he's plotting something against me. I heard laughter last night, really early in the morning from his room. GAARA DOESN'T LAUGH! Not like the way I heard. This laugh was a joyful laugh. We watched "The Exorcist" the other night and I am afraid. "They" don't know that though and they shall not find out._

He closed the journal and went to go see if Temari was finished putting up the door. Turning the corner, he saw her walking the opposite way closing a door behind her. "All finished!" She said, smiled, and walked past him. Meanwhile, at the store, Gaara was having trouble finding the ramen. Little did he know, there was a directory at the end of the aisle with which he soon noticed.

STORE DIRECTORY

1. Frozen foods

2. Frozen foods

3. Coffee, bread

4. Oriental Foods

5. Medicine

Medicine? Gaara suddenly came up with a really good idea. He smiled, skipped the oriental foods aisle, and headed straight for the medicine aisle. Browsing through the medicine, he wondered what Kankuro was up to back at home. He was in his room having a tea party with his puppets. Just kidding, he was sitting in his room, thinking. All he did was read Gaara's journal and Gaara send him to the hospital so wasn't that enough? Kankuro went onto the computer to his favorite website, There was a new game called "EASY MAZE". "Wow this is gay." he said easily clearing the first level. "There's only 4 levels? Piece of cake!" Kankuro made it to the third level.

"Lax-a-tives?" Gaara said breaking the word up in to syllables. He had never heard of them. Gaara picked up the bottle and read the front. "Oh so that's what it means. . .this is PERFECT!" He shoved the bottle in his pocket remembering his wallet was at home near the computer. . .he also forgot to tell Kankuro not to play that new game on funnyjunk. He headed to the oriental foods aisle, grabbed three packages of ramen, shoved them in his pockets as well, and started to head home to help Temari cook dinner.

"I'm back!" Gaara shouted as he stepped through the door. Temari hung up the phone.

"Where'd you go?" She asked.

"The store. We were out of ramen." he replied taking the ramen out of his pockets, putting them in the pantry. "What's for dinner?"

"Well, with the last of my money, I ordered pizza." Temari replied. She sighed.

"The last of it? I thought you had 12,000 yen (that is 110 dollars). I would have pitched in if you had waited." Gaara exclaimed.

"Well, maybe some would still be here if you didn't kick Kankuro's door in. By the way, I think you should check on him. He's on the living room floor." she said. Gaara knew why. He quickly walked into the living room near the computer.

"Hey, here's my wallet!" Gaara said happily, ignoring his almost lifeless brother. Kankuro was laying on the floor, twitching in a fetal position. Gaara turned to the monitor of the computer. A loud scream played repeatedly coming out of the speaker which he turned off. Directly in the center of the screen was a horrifying picture. Behind it was a maze. The picture was of a girl about the age of twelve or thirteen. Her hair was frizzy with split ends. Her piercing eyes glowed green, her skin was pale almost white, and her face had multiple scars. She had a crooked smile with jagged, green teeth, and she seemed to be staring directly at you, no matter where you were in the room. Gaara kicked his brother.

"Get up cat man." he said kicking him again. Kankuro didn't move. He still lay on the floor, in the fetal position, and continued to twitch. "I said get up!" Gaara repeated. He bent down next to Kankuro and raised his hand to shake him. Kankuro managed to move. He crossed his arms like an "X" infront of his face.

"Don't kill me please!" he begged. Gaara smiled.

"Watch out! I'm going to take over your body Kankuro! It's me, the girl from the exorcist!" He teased changing his voice so it sounded like a hiss. Kankuro got up and backed away but the picture drew his eyes to the computer screen causing him to fall back into the same position again. Gaara laughed at him. "I thought she didn't scare you. You weren't afraid." He said moving closer to his traumatized brother.

"I'm afraid ok now please just make it go away!" he confessed pointing to the screen while the other hand covered his face. Gaara minimized the Internet Explorer.

"Now, for the last time, get up!" Gaara said. Kankuro quickly got up and clung to Gaara, grabbing his arm and staying close to him. "What are you doing?" he asked pushing Kankuro away.

"Hide me please! She's gonna come and get me!" Kankuro whispered. Gaara rolled his eyes and walked away leaving Kankuro to defend himself from the made up, evil little girl.


	4. Revenge Part 3 Continued

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 4 - Revenge - Part 3 - continued

"The pizza's here guys!" Temari shouted. Kankuro sat cautiously at the table. Gaara came out of his room. Before he reached the kitchen, he remembered the pills that he got from the store. He had to use them now. "Gaara would you get us something to drink?" Temari asked. This was the perfect time. He turned around and looked at Kankuro. He was staring blankly at the table. Gaara poured the soda in Kankuro's glass and unnoticeably slipped five of the pills into it. He waited for the fizzing to stop, then sat down and kept an eye on his brother.

Kankuro picked up the glass. Gaara watched him at a glance. He put it back down and grabbed a napkin. Gaara snarled. "Are you ok?" Temari asked. He ignored her and continued eating. Kankuro picked up the glass again and this time, he actually started drinking it.

"This tastes funny did you put anything in it?" Kankuro asked looking at Gaara.

"What are you talking about?" Gaara asked as if he never did anything. Kankuro gave him a look and continued drinking it. It wasn't long before they began kicking in.

"Hey! Kankuro it's your turn to do the dishes!" Temari said after dinner. Kankuro ran to the bathroom. Temari sighed. "Gaara would you help me?" she asked.

"Gladly." He smiled and began helping her. Kankuro remained in the bathroom. After washing the dishes, Gaara returned to the computer. He sat down and X'd out the easy maze which scarred his brother earlier, then went on to look up more photos. An hour and a half went by and the last part of his revenge would take action soon. He took the blown up photo from the printer, went to his room, and lay it face down in his desk so if someone were to see it, they wouldn't know what it was. Time passed and Gaara was eager to successfully complete part three of his revenge.

_Entry 6 Almost finished_

_Oh my God I so burned Kankuro! It's not over yet. Shukaku and I have come up with some very nice ideas. Right now, cat man is in the bathroom. I spiked his drink with laxative pills. He's been in there for quite a while now. Perhaps 5 pills was one too many. I must be going. Temari is headed toward my room and she looks pretty pissed off ._

"Alright twerp!" Temari yelled pointing at Gaara. "I need to know what the hell you did to Kankuro because he's been in the bathroom for two hours! All of the stuff I need is in there!"

"Don't worry. I picked these up at the store today. C'mon it's not gonna kill him."Gaara explained. Temari looked at the bottle. Her eyes widened for a second, then she looked even angrier.

"You are so messed up! What the hell were you thinking?! Too many of these WILL kill him!" she scolded throwing the bottle at her little brother's head. He reached up and caught it. "Five ain't going to kill him Temari." Gaara said shutting the door in her face.

"FIVE!?" She shouted "YOU'RE SICK!" Kankuro finally fled from the bathroom.

"Gaara open the door NOW!" He shouted knocking on his door. Gaara opened it and stared at his brother trying to keep a straight face. "What'd you do to me and why?" Kankuro asked grabbing the front of Gaara's shirt. Gaara waved his hand infront of his face as a gesture that his brother smelled. He backed away into his room and shut the door. "Gaara! ANSWER ME!" Kankuro yelled once again knocking on the door. This time there was silence. He punched the wall, leaving a quite noticeable hole, and walked away.

"WHAT. THE. HELL!?" Temari yelled staring at the hole. "Ooooh GAARA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She would have to go to the store again and get something to seal the hole, and some paint. Kankuro sat in his room. He was the maddest that he had been in a while.

_Entry 5 My room, 9:30pm_

_Gaara has gone too far! I've been in the bathroom for the past two and a half hours and you know why? Gaara! I don't know exactly what he did but let me tell you I know it was him. I have to go my stomach is hurting again. I hate you Gaara!_

He threw the journal on the floor and holding his stomach, once again ran to the bathroom. Temari had been going the same way. Her brother had gotten there first. He slammed the door leaving her standing there. "Kankuro! How long are you going to be?" She asked angrily, knocking on the door. There was silence, and she walked away. Now it was Gaara's turn to really piss someone off. He didn't mean it toward Temari though but half of it was Kankuro's fault too. Gaara snuck up to Kankuro's door.

_ He should be in there a while. _Gaara thought. In his hands which were shaking from excitement, grasped a tape roll, and a piece of paper. He quickly taped the enlarged picture to the door, and watching the bathroom door, fled to his room. Gaara not only laughed menacingly, but very loudly causing Temari to bang on the wall adjacent to her room. It wasn't long before Kankuro once again left the bathroom. This time Temari didn't bother to go in now. It smelled and she didn't care if her cosmetics or hair supplies were in it, she was waiting until it fully aired out before going in there.

Gaara still sat in his room. He shook sitting on his bed in silence. Smiling, waiting for that moment. A loud scream erupted from the hallway and Gaara bursted with laughter, falling on the floor with his arms around himself. Gaara taped the wonderful picture of the girl that Kankuro had seen on the computer screen earlier to his door. The hallway wasn't well lighted but Kankuro saw it clearly.

"TTTEEMMAARRRIII!!!" He screamed running to her door. He started banging on it rapidly.

"GO AWAY!" She shouted from the other side. She put her head between her pillows and tried to block the noise. Kankuro however, turned around and looked at the picture again screaming and begging more for Temari to let him in. He now tolerated the picture and every time that he closed his eyes, he saw her butt ugly face. Gaara gasped for air. He rolled on the floor, still laughing. Temari warned her scarred brother to go away again. His second instinct was to go to Gaara's room. To Kankuro's surprise, the door flew open, and a smiling Gaara flew on to Kankuro, still laughing. Kankuro looked angrier now.

"Dude!" Gaara said wiping the tears from his face "you were so scared!" Kankuro picked him up by the shirt.

"You little. . .What is your problem?" Kankuro asked. He stared into Gaara's eyes only to make him smile.

"Nothing. RAWR!" he yelled. Kankuro flinched and then tried to pinch Gaara forgetting about the sand wall which blocked him. He grabbed his pillow and slept in the living room. Eventually, Kankuro fell asleep. Oh yeah, Gaara was supposed to go to Konoha today. He completely forgot! Naruto took all of his ramen. Tomorrow he was going for sure. Not feeling any regret, Gaara sat down and wrote another page in his journal.

_Entry 7 Konoha_

_I forgot to pay a visit to Mr. Steals all your ramen today. I'm going to leave first thing at seven tomorrow morning. Also, part 3 was successful although I pissed off Temari. I think I'll do something nice for her._

The sun rose slowly over Sunagakure, the sand village. Kankuro sat up and rubbed his eyes, but something was in the way. The same pair of piercing green eyes were back and staring directly into his. Gaara was gone. He left about two hours ago.

-2 hours earlier-

"Now, where is Naruto's apartment again?" Gaara said to himself. He knocked on a random door only to have none other than Mr. Steals everyone's ramen answer it. He was half asleep in blue pajamas with little bowls of ramen all over them.

"Gaara? Why are you here?" He asked rubbing one eye while yawning. Gaara took a big glass bowl that looked like the one's that Naruto ate out of at Ichiraku's, and broke it over Naruto's head. Naruto fell back on the floor. Gaara closed the door and walked away. Since he was already in Konoha, maybe he could visit some other "friends".


	5. Preparation

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 5 - Preparation

At the end of the road, there was a nicely built home that stood out from the rest and for some reason, Gaara felt the need to go there. The house was painted dark green all over. The door was green and even the shutters were too. Gaara made his way up the green stairs avoiding the green railing. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He rang the doorbell but still, no one answered. Music was also heard. Gaara just decided to walk in. He slowly opened the front door and stepped inside. A boy about his age, dressed in all green, the same color as his house, was kicking a dummy. Next to him stood an older figure dressed the same. They both stopped what they were doing and looked at Gaara. The younger boy smiled.

"Gaara! What are you doing here in Konoha and how did you find my house?" he asked.

"Let's just say a little birdie told me. Hey, that dummy looks like an actual person." Gaara said. He walked over to the well detailed thing that Lee was kicking. He was right.

"It's pretty early, why are you in Konoha anyway?" Guy asked. He wasn't smiling like Lee, infact he wasn't at all.

"I meant to visit an old friend yesterday. I never really got around to it though so I came today." Gaara explained.

"Oh. I'm sorry about this, Guy sensei and I train every morning. Care to join us? If you don't, Guy might wax my eyebrows." Lee said. He continued to smile.

"No thank you. Can I borrow that dummy though?" Gaara asked. He stared at Lee's bushy eyebrows, thankful that he did not have any. Zits or not, Gaara didn't need big, bushy eyebrows that would make his zit even more noticeable.

"Yes you may. I have many." Lee said handing him the fake, life sized person. By life sized, I mean the size of Lee or around that. Gaara took the person and walked out the door. "Guy sensei, may I?" Lee asked.

"Yes Lee, you can." Guy replied. Lee pulled out a dance mat and turned on a game widely known as "dance dance revolution". Gaara continued to walk down the street when he remembered that Temari still liked Shikamaru. That would be his next stop. The problem? Gaara didn't know where he lived either. Luckily, another boy about Lee's age was walking down the street. He had a serious face on and seemed to be walking rather quickly.

"Hey. Neji Hyuga right?" Gaara said stopping Neji from walking any further.

"Yes Gaara my name is Neji. What do you want I am in a bit of a hurry." Neji asked.

"I need directions. Where does Shikamaru Nara live?"

"That house there down the street."

"Thank you."

"Yea sure whatever."

"Neji?"

"Yea?"

Gaara quickly pulled out a razor and shaved Neji's hair off until none remained. Neji was shocked, his mouth dropped as he felt the top of his head. There was nothing. Gaara had cut every last straight, shiny strand of hair from Neji's head. "I'll be going now." Gaara said. He collected the hair, put it in his gourd, and continued on his way to Shikamaru's house. His house wasn't fancy nor run down but they could've fixed it up a little. Gaara rang the door bell. An older person who resembled Shikamaru answered the door.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"My name is Gaara and I'm looking for Shikamaru. Is he here?" Gaara said.

"He has friends? Oh uh hold on." He said. He called Shikamaru. From the looks of it, the man looked like he could be Shikamaru's father. Footsteps were heard and a young boy was standing at the door moments later.

"Whadda _you _want?" he asked ready to shut the door. Gaara remained silent. He pit Shikamaru in a head lock and dragged him into a nearby ally. "This is the biggest drag yet. What are you doing?" Shikamaru complained. Gaara held something over the boys face causing him to pass out. So now, carrying the dummy _and _Shikamaru, Gaara headed back to the sand village.

Tomorrow was Kankuro's birthday, May fifteenth. Gaara had to do something for him, and he had just the idea. Now we come back to the present time. It was 9:30AM when he returned so thirty minutes there, and thirty minutes coming back. Kankuro was sitting patiently in a chair by the door. His little brother came in. "I've been waiting for you Gaara." he said sternly.

"Oh, hey cat man." Gaara said. He walked past Kankuro.

"Stop. We need to talk." Kankuro commanded, standing up.

"Don't get your thong in a bunch. I'll be right back." Gaara said. Kankuro didn't think the joke was funny and if it wasn't for the sand wall, he would've beaten up Gaara a long time ago for calling him cat man. Gaara opened Temari's door slowly and quietly. She never noticed though. She wasn't watching "Cooking Ramen With Naruto Uzumaki". Instead she was watching the news. A lady had found Naruto on the floor of his apartment. They assumed that he was dead at first, but he was later announced asleep at the hospital.

Gaara lay Shikamaru on her bed. He slowly began to wake up. "W-where am I?" he asked. Temari's eyes widened and she smiled.

"Shikamaru!" She screamed and glomped him. Gaara turned around and found Kankuro waiting in the middle of the hallway.

"Start explaining everything! From the beginning." Kankuro commanded.

"Alright Alright." Gaara said. "Revenge. You read my journal. I refer to you as cat man. If you want people to stop calling you that, then stop wearing a cat suit. We all know you're afraid of the exorcist so shut up. Oh, and I spiked your drink with laxative pills." Gaara explained.

"Well you didn't need to go THAT far! So I read a couple pages. No big deal right?" Kankuro asked.

"Well then I guess it's time to tell you that I read yours too then huh." Gaara said. Kankuro looked angrier. Gaara smiled and ran into his room, locking the door behind him.

"GAARA YOU RACCOON! You're going to DIE for that!" Kankuro yelled.

"Haha you play with dolls!" Gaara said, laughing from the other side. Now, he had to prepare for Kankuro's birthday tomorrow. It wasn't over yet.


	6. Happy Birthday Bitch

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 6

It was late at night. Gaara was in his room getting ready for Kankuro's birthday. Temari and Kankuro had fallen asleep long ago. The dummy that Lee had given him earlier sat up on Gaara's bed. Neji's hair was in a pile next to it. There was pale green spray paint on the other side of the dummy. A white gown hung on the door that Gaara had taken from Temari's closet earlier. Piece by piece, Gaara picked up the pieces of hair and glued them to the dummy's head. He took the lighter from the living room, and Temari's brush from the bathroom. Gaara singed some of the hair so it would frizz but then brushed it so it wouldn't stick out completely. He took the scissors from the kitchen and cut the hair in the back. Not straight, but jagged like split ends.

Gaara took the night gown off of the door and slipped it over the dummy. It now started to look like a familiar girl. Next, Gaara took it outside and spray painted the face, arms, and legs. Walking back to his room, he took the dark green sharpie from the kitchen drawer next to the refrigerator, and drew teeth on it that formed a smile. He also drew eye's, and a scar on her ankle and the left side of her face.

The sun rose again, glistening over the sand village. The dummy sat in the corner of Gaara's room. It continued to smile menacingly. Gaara made it look so realistic that it actually made him flinch. Kankuro hadn't waken up yet but Temari was in the kitchen making coffee for her and her younger brother. Gaara stepped into the kitchen.

"Hello Gaara. I made you coffee." Temari said. She smiled at him.

"Good morning. . .hey uh...is Kankuro awake yet?" Gaara asked. His voice trailed off into a whisper.

"No I don't believe so. I have his present hidden and it's unwrapped so I hope not." She turned her head towards the front room. "Did you get him anything?"

"Yeah. Let me tell you, the fun is yet to come." Gaara said. He smiled remembering his brother's reaction to the picture.

"What'd you get him?" Temari asked. Gaara looked at her and smiled, then drank some of his coffee.

"You'll see." he simply replied. Temari gave him a look and continued what she was doing. It was almost lunch time by the time Kankuro woke up. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, smearing his make up a little. Then, he got dressed and joined his siblings in the kitchen. Purposely ignoring Gaara, he greeted his cheerful sister.

"Good morning Temari." he said making sure to emphasize her name. Gaara didn't seem to care. He kept a smirk and waited patiently for the time to come, wondering if his brother would ask him about his plan.

"Happy birthday Kankuro!" Temari said. Her brother gave her a confused look. He had completely forgotten! Kankuro turned to Gaara and looked at him suspiciously. Gaara smiled.

"What?" he asked. Kankuro turned away. He knew that something was up but didn't know what it was and that's what Gaara wanted. He kept his brother wondering. Everything that happened, happened unexpectedly, especially the game that Gaara forgot to tell his brother not to play. He laughed recalling Kankuro's expression.

"Alright punk. Tell me what you're planning!" Kankuro said slamming the milk on the counter.

"Who me?" Gaara asked innocently.

"Feh." Kankuro said. "Why should I bother, I'd rather be in the hospital than here." He walked past Gaara.

"CAAATT MAAAANNN!!!" Gaara yelled. His brother flinched and he threw the bowl of cereal and milk in the air which fell all over him. Insulting Kankuro amused Gaara. The red headed ninja laughed hysterically almost falling out of his chair. Even Temari laughed a little, although she didn't mean to. Wiping a tear from his eye, Gaara stood up and went to go put his glass in the dishwasher.

"One of these days you will pay!" Kankuro said.

"Yeah sure whatever cat man." Gaara called back. He walked out front and sat on the porch. He pulled out a black book and began writing.

_Entry 8 May 15th_

_Today is Cat man's birthday. Just now I did what I would usually do and screamed cat man. He is now coated in fruit loops and milk. Hopefully the plan works. Ku ku ku!_

He laughed at the scene in the kitchen which caused some people to stare. He put the book away and went back inside. Temari was helping Kankuro clean up. Kankuro gave a sharp, furious glare at Gaara. Gaara ignored him and went to his office. From the backroom, he heard a noise, like a song. It was coming from his office. He entered his office and looked around only to find that the noise was his cell phone. Gaara picked it up and looked at the screen. It was a number that he did not recognize, but answered it anyway. "Hello?" he said.

"GAARA YOU HUMONGOUS JERK!" a voice said from the other side. It was so loud that Gaara held the phone from his ear.

"Who is calling? I'm not buying anything." Gaara exclaimed.

"This is Naruto Uzumaki. Guess where I am?" Naruto asked.

"Where? The mental Institution?" Gaara asked sarcastically.

" Ha ha very funny." Naruto said. "I'm at the hospital. . . the normal one."

"So why are you calling me? How did you even get my cell phone number?" Gaara asked.

"I have sources. Anyway that's not the point! You hit me with a ramen bowl!" Naruto yelled. "I could've had a concussion!" Gaara chuckled from the other side.

"Well, you stole my ramen. I had to steal. . .I uh mean buy some more. Why can't you be like other people and buy some?" Gaara asked.

"Because Jaraiya stole my wallet and spent all my money on prostitutes. Besides, stealing is more fun."

"Oh really?"

"Really. Your gonna end up like Choji if you keep eating that crap."

"HEY! You wanna start something? Hey! Hello? Gaara?" There was no answer. Gaara hung up. He didn't have time to argue with Naruto. He had to plan for later. A few hours later, Gaara was interrupted from his thoughts.

"Gaara! C'mon it's time to sing happy birthday!" Temari called from the kitchen. When he got to the kitchen, his siblings were seated at the table. Kankuro once again cast an evil glare at Gaara. Gaara too sat down. The only lights were from the candles. They started singing.

"Happy birthday to you, you're now turning two," Gaara began. Kankuro frowned. Temari also looked at him funny. After singing, Gaara watched as his brother tried to blow out the candles. Before they did this, Gaara replaced the candles with trick ones.

"Why aren't the flames going out? Gaara!" Kankuro said looking at Gaara. Temari joined him at blowing out the flames. They went out eventually.

"Alright, time to eat it." Temari said. Now was the time for Gaara's plan to take action.

"I'll be right back." Gaara said. He went to his room and grabbed the dummy. Then he went to Kankuro's room. Gaara put it on his bed and took a piece of paper out of his pockets. He unfolded it and made the dummy hold it up. The sign said "happy birthday cat man". Gaara smiled and returned to the kitchen.

"Gaara, what did you just do?" Kankuro asked. He remained silent, sat down, and started eating. "Gaara answer me." Kankuro said. Still, Gaara remained silent and continued eating.

"Oh yea, I almost forgot," Temari began saying. She disappeared into the living, and came back shortly with a small gift. "Happy Birthday!" she said handing it to him. For once Kankuro took his mind off of Gaara and he smiled. Under the wrapping paper was a purple crayola marker.

"Alright! Thanks Temari!" he said.

"Hey, Gaara didn't you get him something?" Temari asked recalling what he said that morning.

"Oh, yes. I did get something. Go to your room. I think you'll quite like it." Gaara explained. Kankuro gave him a suspicious look but got up and went to his room as told so. There was silence.

"Gaara?" Temari said. She sounded and looked worried. Both siblings peeked around the corner. Kankuro stood before his door. He was as stiff as a board but shaking at the same time. Temari's eyes widened as she looked at what sat on Kankuro's bed. Gaara smiled.

"Happy birthday bitch."


	7. Rehab and homeless people

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 7 - Rehab and homeless people

Both sand siblings walked up to Kankuro. His mouth was wide open along with his eyes. "Gaara you just don't quit." Temari said. Gaara was still smiling slightly.

"Well Kankuro," he began putting one hand on his brother's shoulder "what do you think?" Kankuro slowly turned his head toward Gaara. He then picked him up by the shirt.

"You little raccoon! I am going to pulverize you!" He said quietly in an angry tone.

"Oh really? I thought that you weren't afraid." Gaara replied.

"Stop being a smartass! Where the hell did you get that thing?" Kankuro asked.

"The dummy from Lee, the hair is Neji's, the gown is Temari's, and the spray paint and sharpie marker are from here. Anything else cat man?" Gaara explained. His brother finally put him down.

"I want it out of here tonight! Got that?" Kankuro said pointing a finger at Gaara. Gaara saluted him, then went to get the doll. Walking back out, Gaara held the doll up as if it were floating. Kankuro hadn't noticed until it was two feet from him.

"Gaara please." Temari said. She cast him the "leave your pissed off brother alone" look, then went to go watch her favorite television show.

"Okay I'll stop, but dude cat man's expression was hilarious!" Gaara said. Kankuro didn't look angry anymore, nor did he smile. He crossed his arms and looked at Gaara. His little brother wasn't the only one who wanted revenge. Kankuro was sure to think of something sooner or later. Gaara threw the dummy on his bed. He had a great way of getting rid of it and since he had nothing to do at night...ever, that was what he would do. After that, he joined Temari in the living room. Her favorite television show wasn't on. Instead, she was watching "Extreme Make Overs With Guy Sensei"

"They sure are coming up with some weird shows huh." Gaara said.

"You aren't planning against me are you?" Temari asked. She looked at Gaara.

"No. I actually like you." He replied kissing his sister on the cheek. She was glad to hear that instead of "die I hate you." Anger management was the right choice. Kankuro was in his room thinking of all the ways that he could get revenge on Gaara.

_Entry 6 8:34 PM_

_Man, I am pissed. Gaara needs to have some of his own medicine. Right now I am thinking of ways to get revenge on him. Hmm. . .what to do, what to do. . ._

In the living room, Temari and Gaara were bored to death. Guy already waxed the eyebrows off of three people and almost Lee! "I'm going shopping tomorrow is there anything you need?" Temari asked Gaara. Before he could answer, there was a knock at the door. Gaara got up to answer it only to find Choji Akamunchi (I spelled it wrong on purpose) standing there with a comb, a bar of soap, and a towel.

"What. . .the hell. . .are _YOU _doing here?" Gaara asked staring at the supplies.

"Hey! Listen can I use your shower? My bathroom is being remodeled." Choji explained. Once again, Gaara stared at the smiling plump ninja infront of him.

"Where have you been I thought you died like fifty episodes ago." Gaara asked.

"I've been in rehab. Too much food. I really needed a diet. My dad insisted. I even got to meet Jenny Craig!" Choji said still smiling.

"Yea sure whatever." Gaara finally managed to say. He showed Choji where to go, then went to help his sister with the shopping list. Meanwhile, Kankuro was stressing with his revenge list on Gaara.

1.) Spray paint his hair.

"How the hell am I going to be able to do THAT without him knowing?"

2.) Put his hand in warm water.

"He doesn't sleep! Dammit Kankuro you should know that by now!"

3.) Decorate his gourd.

"Possibility, but then when doesn't he have it on him?"

4.) Push him down the stairs.

"Hey. . .we don't have any do we? Even if we did, he has all that damn protective sand.

5.) I could scare him with the exorcist!

"A DUH! He's not afraid!"

Kankuro ripped up his list and threw it away. He'd been talking to himself and thinking for the past hour. Kankuro suddenly jumped up. It wasn't because of the exorcist, but because there was a sound that come from the bathroom. A LOUD sound. All three siblings heard it. The floor shook under their feet. Temari and Gaara looked up at the support beam of the house. It was cracked, and slowly the crack began to grow.

"Run." Temari said. She and Gaara fled the house quickly. Kankuro shortly joined them outfront. They looked at their house one last time before it came crumbling to the ground.

"What the hell just happened?" Kankuro asked. They watched as a chubby boy emerged from their house with nothing but a towel on.

"Uh. . .hey guys!" he said. "I kind of slipped in the shower. Sorry."

"You _SLIPPED_?!?!?!" Temari shouted.

"You're dead." Gaara said extending his hand to use sand coffin. Choji ran in the other direction. He was the first to escape the horrible attack.

"Well, what are we going to do now? The house needs to be rebuilt." Gaara exclaimed.

"Hey, didn't I tell you to scrub the bathtub Gaara? This would've never happened if you would just listen to me!" Temari shouted.

"Oh yeah. About that, I forgot." Gaara said.

"Chill, we need someone to stay with for about a week." Kankuro explained.

"Here, you can stay with her." Gaara said throwing the dummy at Kankuro. It was the only unharmed thing. He flinched and ran a few feet away. Gaara laughed but then quickly stopped.

"Hey guys! Wow what happened here?" Baki (their sensei) asked. The three stared in horror at the sight before them.

"S-sensei what happened to you?" Temari asked pointing at his face. Baki remained eyebrowless. Not one hair remained above his eyes.

"Oh yeah! I went on that new extreme make over show. Guy Might did my eyebrows and some other places." He explained.

"About our house," began Gaara "It's a long story. We need to get it rebuilt but in the meantime we need a place to stay."

"Well I can't help you. I have to go on an "S" ranked mission with Jaraiya." He lied.

"Alright, to Konoha." Temari said. It took them until the time that they went to bed to reach their destination. "I know a possibility of where we could go." They walked up to a house which was familiar to Gaara. A boy answered the door.

"Hey Temari! What are you doing here?" Shikamaru asked yawning.

"We need a place to stay for a few days until our house is rebuilt." She explained. He looked at Gaara and then back at Temari.

"As much as I like you, No. Your brother knocked me out. That is how I got to your house." he explained and shut the door.

"Way to go Gaara." Temari said. "Where else are we supposed to go?"

"I know." said Kankuro. He led them to another house on the next street, and knocked on the door. Another boy answered the door and immediately looked angrily at Gaara.

"No." he said and slammed the door.

"Why was he bald" Kankuro asked.

"Was that Neji?" Temari asked. Both of them stared at Gaara.

"What? I used his hair for the dummy person. He looked behind then at the green house that sat at the end of the street. There was no way that they were going there. _Guy might wax my eyebrows, well theirs at least. _"I have another plan." He said. Now Gaara was leading them to another house. While passing Lee's house, Gaara commanded his siblings to wait. He got up to te roof and placed te dummy infront of the window. The curtains were slightly opened. Gaara looked through tem only to see Lee putting on his pajamas. Gaara quickly turned away.

"So where are we going?" Temari asked her little brother.

"You'll see. We're almost there." Gaara replied. They approached the gate of the leaf village.

"Why are we leaving?" Kankuro asked.

"She doesn't live in Konoha." Gaara exclaimed.

"She huh. You got a girlfriend Gaara?" Temari teased pushing him. He gave her a look and she stopped.

"I do kind of like her." Gaara said. He blushed a little.

"Awww!!!" Kankuro said. Gaara held up a purple crayola marker. "Hey, where'd you. . .how did you get that?!?!"

"No time to explain, we're here." Gaara said. He opened the screen door and knocked on the door behind it. There was no answer. _She's probably asleep by now. _He then noticed the doorbell and rung that. A dog started barking very loud.

"Nice going smart one." Temari retorted. Not much later, a girl answered the door. She was wearing red, green, and white plaid pajamas. She was also tall with long, dirty blonde hair all down her back. The girl looked at the three and then just at Gaara.

"Hey Sam. Listen, I need to ask of a favor." Gaara said. She stared for a while, then finally answered.

"What and Why? You know it's really late. I was almost asleep too. You know I don't like being bothered at his time Gaara." Sam explained.

"Yes I know," he began "but Choji demolished our house and we need a place to stay for a while."

"No. You steal my cookies every time. Sorry. I love you but no." she explained. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a boy dressed in all green. He waved from a distance, then ran up to the door.

"Oh God." Sam said. She shook her head.

"SAM! Please, you must train with me! If you don't, Guy Sensei will wax my eyebrows!" Lee explained.

"NO! For the last time fruitcake, go train with someone else! It's eleven o' clock and I am tired as hell now GO AWAY!" Sam yelled at Lee. "Sorry Gaara." she said, kissed him deeply, and shut the door.

"Oooo." Kankuro teased. Gaara once again held up the crayola marker. The smile faded from Kankuro's face. "Hey! Give that back!" Gaara put it in his pocket.

"Well, anyone else?" Temari asked.

"Yes. There is one more." Gaara replied. "Back to Konoha."


	8. Departure To Emo Farm

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 8 - Departure To Emo Farm

We are back and the search continues! The moon was full that night. It illuminated Konoha, making it easy to see where you were. The sand ninja approached one house with an odd symbol. In a way it looked like a pokeball but without the little button. Immediately, Gaara knew who lived there. He recalled the finals for the chunnin exam thing. Sasuke Uchiha. He was leaving the house for some reason and if you looked close enough, he was carrying a bag with the same symbol on it. Where was he going at one in the morning? The three approached him

"Uchiha Sasuke. Going somewhere?" Gaara asked. They blocked off Sasuke's path.

"Move." he commanded, but the ninja didn't move. They wanted answers.

"Answer my question." Gaara said.

"Life sucks. I need more power. I've decided to join Orochimaru, and possibly kill Itachi. I'm the only one left in my clan. Depression hurts, I'm sure you understand. I can't sit around and cut my wrist all day." Sasuke explained. The three stared.

"You still didn't answer my question. I asked where you were going." Gaara said.

"Emo farm. I'm joining Orochimaru and Kabuto. Like I said, I need power. I'm also leaving Sakura. You know, pink hair, football field for a forehead." Sasuke explained.

"Stop Sasuke!" a girl yelled. She was walking toward him fast. "Please don't! I really love you."

"Allie oh my God! You scared the hell out of me! Stop stalking me! I'm leaving. I must have more power." He explained..

"You need therapy." Gaara said. With that, they left. Sasuke began to leave also.

"SASUKE NNNEEEUUU!!!" Allie yelled. She was having a mental breakdown. It was about one thirty in the morning and the three still remained homeless. There was only one last resort. It was their sensei, or no home at all. Sadly, they began to go back to Suna when a huge blob blocked their way.

"Hold it." Choji said. "You can stay with me. I owe you big time."

"Thank you so much!" Temari said happily. They liked their sensei but Jaraiya was his friend and that creeped them out. . . a lot. The front porch light was on at Choji's house. They walked inside. There was a crunching sound under Gaara's foot. He looked down to see endless amounts of potato chip bags and the chips themselves.

"You guys can crash down here where ever you'd like. The remote is on the table if you feel like watching television, and there is plenty of food in the kitchen. Well, good night!" Choji explained. You could hear where he was on the upper floor, his footsteps were loud. Gaara disappeared into the kitchen, and returned shortly with packages of cookies.

"Gaara stop stealing everyone's cookies!" Temari said. Kankuro was scanning through channels. Finally, they all ended up watching Harry Potter.

"Heroine Potthead sucks," said Gaara "this is boring. I'd rather watch Harry Potter puppet pals on youtube." Temari had already fallen asleep on the sofa so she didn't scold Gaara for the comment.

"Well, there isn't anything else on." Kankuro replied.

"Does he have comcast on demand?" Gaara asked. He snatched the remote from Kankuro's hand. "With all these bags of chips that he buys, I'm surprised that he can afford digital cable." Gaara kicked another empty bag of chips out of his way, then put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Is there any good movies?" Kankuro asked.

"Hey! Jackass the movie is on here! I've been dying to see this!" Gaara said eagerly. He sat up and scrolled over to "order".

"Gaara don't! It costs money!" Kankuro exclaimed pointing to the price. Gaara pressed the button anyway.

"Oops," Gaara said sarcastically "oh well catman." The movie killed most of their time. Kankuro soon fell asleep in the chair that he was sitting in. Gaara remained awake. He was watching some of Konoha's new music videos. "Wow. These suck." Was all Gaara could say about them. He passed a show called _Girls Gone Wild_. "Is this some new anime?" He started playing it. The first pair of girls appeared on the screen. Gaara dropped the remote in horror. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! IT BURNS!" He screamed holding his head.

Kankuro opened one eye and chuckled. Now Gaara knew what Baki and Jaraiya were doing. He picked up the remote and without looking, pressed the stop button. He shook profusely. Morning came slowly. Choji finally came downstairs. Everyone was in the kitchen. "Good morning!" Choji shouted happily. Gaara was eating pancakes, Kankuro was eating cereal, and Temari was drinking coffee and eating toast. Choji walked over to the fridge in his bright red pajamas, and pulled out something wrapped up. What he unwrapped scared the three sand siblings. It was a double whopper with cheese. Now tell me, who the hell has 960 calories first thing at nine-thirty in the morning? Choji heated it up in the microwave, humming to himself in the process and in a matter of seconds, he wolfed down the sandwich. Another man came down later on and ate two big macs and a large thing of fries which he over salted.

The afternoon rolled around. Gaara was watching _Montel_, Temari was sleeping again, and Kankuro was doing something in his own little world in the next room with his puppets. Everything was quiet except for the television and Choji in the kitchen eating again. Not much later, a man kicked down the door. "ALRIGHT! TEMARI! GAARA! KANKURO! NINJA MISSION **NOW**!" Baki ordered. Gaara continued to watch television, Temari continued to sleep, and Kankuro didn't seem to hear him at all either. Just then, Baki slammed his fist on the table causing Gaara to look up, Temari to jump out of her sleep and onto the floor, and Kankuro to come out of imagination land and back to reality. "I SAID NOW!" he yelled. The three dropped everything and followed their eyebrowless sensei. Temari was the only one who thanked Choji on their way out.

"So where are we going and what is our mission?" Kankuro asked. Gaara stuck his foot out and tripped him. Kankuro then pushed him into Temari causing her to push Kankuro.

"Tch. Effing kids." Baki murmured. They returned to Suna and went to Baki's house. Jaraiya was not there. "Now, your mission is to go help Naruto and the other leaf genin people follow Sasuke Uchiha and stop him from going to emo farm. Orochimaru is trying to rape him and soon they will bring the akatsuki in on this." he explained. The siblings nodded.

"Understood." They said in unison. They were now going to Konoha once again.

"God this is gay." Gaara complained.

"Who is Orochimaru and The Akatsuki?" Kankuro asked. Temari and Gaara stared at him. "What?" They shook their heads in disappointment.

Meanwhile at Choji's house. . .

"Choji Akimichi get your butt in here!" Mr. Akimichi yelled.

"What?" Choji asked with a mouthful of doritos.

"This bill. Tell me what it says here?" Mr. Akimichi pointed to a spot on the paper.

"Jackass the movie? I didn't order that or watch it. Can I though?" Choji asked.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! Tell your friends that they owe us four dollars!" Mr. Akimichi's voice boomed.

"Wow what are you gonna buy with four dollars? Half a skittle? Hey, do we have any skittles?" Choji remarked. His dad grabbed him by the ear and dragged him out the door. Gaara had officially pissed someone else off in Konoha. Will Neji ever grow back his ponytail? Will Lee find the exorcist outside of his window? And will Allie ever get her beloved Sasuke back? Keep reading to find out!


	9. The Sound Whack Job 4

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 9 – The Sound Whack job 4

The sand siblings were on their way to Konoha. It was undecided on where they were supposed to go. Since Baki sensei seemed to make it a big deal, they all assumed that they should go to the Hokage's office first. Earlier they negotiated on it. "So uh…where are we supposed to go now?" Kankuro asked.

"Baki sensei never said so I am guessing the Hokage's office." Gaara exclaimed.

"Yeah but he also said that we were supposed to help a group of genin, including Naruto." Temari said, looking around for other shinobi who could possibly be waiting for them.

"Pssh genin. The leaf ninja are hopeless." Gaara retorted. He laughed softly.

"Gaara you are so rude." Kankuro said, giving his brother a look.

"Remember cat man, I still have this!" Gaara reached into his pocket and held up a purple crayola marker.

"Oh really?" Kankuro replied confidently. Hr held up an item also. It was thin but short, like a stick of some sort (ha that rhymed and I just figured it out XD) Gaara gasped at the sight of it.

"My eyeliner!" he yelled. "You give that back!" His eyes widened and he reached for his cosmetics. They both fought like normal brothers would. Soon they came to a stop. They had finally arrived at the gate of Konoha.

"Alright Gaara give me back my marker and I'll give you your eyeliner alright?" Kankuro said, hoping that this would end soon. He needed that marker.

"Ok," Gaara said, taking his eyeliner. Before Kankuro could grab his marker, Gaara retreated his arm with the marker in it. "For stealing my eyeliner, ULTRA MEGA SAND COFFIN!" Gaara screamed holding out his hand for the futile attack. Temari immediately stepped in and grabbed his wrist.

"Gaara this is no time for a temper tantrum!" She said. Gaara simply ignored her and covered his ears.

"I can't hear you! La la la di da!" he replied. Just then a boy in an orange jumpsuit came running in their direction.

"Hey! We've been waiting for you guys! What took ya?" Naruto asked. The three stopped fighting. Temari stepped forward and began to speak, her being more mature.

"Sorry. What is it that you need our help for.?" Temari asked, smiling slightly. She was clearly embarrassed by her two brothers.

"Well we need to go help…hey wait! You guys aren't supposed to be here! You come like twenty episodes from now! Damn it Tsunade!" Naruto explained. Several boys joined Naruto on both sides.

"Hello." One said. They all looked extremely pissed off.

"You are going to pay for cutting off my beloved ponytail!" Neji said, pointing at Gaara. A tear ran down his face.

"You could've smothered me to death! By the way, hi Temari!" Shikamaru said sternly. He blushed a little and waved in her direction.

"You owe me four dollars." Choji said. He didn't really seem as mad as the others. "I don't really care about it but my dad is pissed off so yeah. He'll starve me if I don't get the money." He explained. _Maybe he should starve you fat ass. _Gaara added silently.

"Yeah!" Kiba chimed in. Gaara looked at him confused.

"Pssh what the hell did I do to you?" Gaara asked.

"I don't know," he replied suspiciously, "but I got my eye on you!" Akamaru growled from inside of his jacket. Temari turned towards Gaara with a frown on her face.

"Gaara…what the hell did you do?" Temari asked. Now Baki was going to be mad at her and Kankuro for not keeping their eye on him. Gaara smiled innocently, which was a first.

"Heh heh…funny story. Let's discuss it over some pocky." He replied. "Anyone?" He turned around and began running. His siblings followed along. They ran like hell through the woods. The group angry mob followed them close behind. About five minutes into it, a fat dude jumped in front of Choji.

"Haha! Give me food! Haha!" He yelled, eyeing the bag of Choji's potato chips in his pocket.

"Hell no!" Choji replied angrily. You do not mess with Choji's food because when Choji is angry, Choji runs you over. "Human boulder!!" His attempt to crush the fat man was unsuccessful. Choji then pilled a rectangular box from his pocket which was stuffed with food. "Guys, go on ahead. I must defeat the fat ass that stands before me." He said. Choji had a stern look on his face.

"But Choji! You'll die if you take that pill!" Shikamaru said. The look on his face was different. He was clearly worried and scared at the same time.

"I said go!" Choji yelled. Shikamaru shrugged and went ahead with the others.

"He's probably on the girth control pill." Gaara said to his siblings. He laughed at his own joke. Gaara seemed to crack himself up sometimes. Kankuro rolled his eyes. He found none of Gaara's jokes to be funny, and he still couldn't think of any ways to get revenge on him yet. That, he would do later, but now he was confused on whether they were going to find Sasuke as ordered or run from the angry mob all day. It seemed as if the forest had no end to it. It was like being in the middle of an endless sandstorm. The whole group (including the angry mob) suddenly stopped on one of the tree branches. Another man stood in their way. He wore a huge grin and his eyes were wide too. He had black hair tied back into a ponytail. Neji envied him for that. He missed his beloved soft hair.

The guy also had relatively dark skin and multiple arms, like a spider. "DE NANANANANANANANA SPIDER MAN!" he yelled in his hoarsely average pitched voice. No one made a move. They just stared with amazement at the retarded shinobi in front of them.

"Wow." Said Gaara, "I think you are referring to batman."

"No I am not! Spiders rule. GO WEB GO!" he yelled. The man turned his arm upright, made a sign with his hand, and stuck his arm out as if expecting something to emerge from it. "Damn it why isn't this working!?" he murmured, becoming aggravated.

"Look, can we just go? This is a waste of time. See we're on this mission and," Gaara was interrupted by the man.

"No wait! I got this! H-hold on a sec!" he said trying again for whatever he wanted to come out of his arm.

"I'll handle him." Said Neji. He got in position for his jutsu '8 trigrams, 64 palms', and motioned the others to go on.

"Well, Temari, CAT MAAAAN!" Gaara yelled. Kankuro flinched and then lost his balance. He fell from the tree.

"Gaara you little raccoon!" Kankuro yelled from the forest floor below. He held up a fist as a gesture that he was going to beat his little brother up. After Temari helped him up, they joined the others in their search for Sasuke. The leaf genin almost forgot why they were mad at the sand ninja. Another mile ahead in the endless forest, Kiba fell on his face.

"Hey c'mon Kiba stop slacking!" Naruto yelled.

"Someone tripped me!" Kiba complained, looking around for the culprit. A guy with white hair, blue lipstick and eyeliner, and two heads emerged from behind a tree.

"Name's Sakon. Nice to meet cha. I don't have Sasuke at the moment; I'm just here to hold you up." Sakon explained.

"Oh my god. Seriously can we go now?" Gaara complained.

"Yeah go on! Let me handle this two headed butt munch!" Kiba replied.

"Arf!" Akamaru barked from inside of Kiba's jacket. They launched at Sakon but missed.

"I'll stay back here and help." Kankuro said to his siblings. They nodded in understanding and started following Naruto and Shikamaru. "Alright this guy is going down."

"I don't need your stupid help!" Kiba said.

"Oh ho ho! Is that so?" Sakon interrupted. "I'd think again about that." Just then something completely random happened. Someone started to separate from Sakon. It was another person who looked almost exactly like him.

"HOLA! I am Ukon. I wanted to be named Julio but Sakon thought it sounded gay." Ukon gave them a friendly smile and waved.

"What the French toast? They speak Spanish too?! No way, uh uh, not gonna happen." Kankuro said. A puppet came out of no where and trapped the two brothers inside its wooden stomach. They pleaded for Kankuro to release them from inside the golem. "You said that you are part of the sound ninja four….NOT ANYMORE!" Kankuro gave an evil smile when he said the last sentence. Numerous swords came in from different directions and flew towards the golem.

-Line Break-

"Hey baldy bald! Ovah here!" Kidomaru yelled. Neji panted a little then threw a few more shurikens and kunais in different directions. Kidomaru lowered a spider down from a tree and onto Neji's head. It was silent until Neji screamed like a little girl. He jumped around trying to rid of the eight legged freak. Kidomaru laughed from up in the tree.

"Get it off!" Neji called out repeatedly in a high pitched voice. It only made Kidomaru laugh harder.

"On one condition." Kidomaru began. "Dance my little ballerina!" He pulled out a tutu and tossed it down to Neji. It floated into his hands which clenched in causing a wrinkle to form. He looked angrier at the wanna-be spider man.

"You want me to do WHAT?!" Neji finally busted out.

"You heard me! Put on the tutu and dance or DIE!" Kidomaru explained. Neji blushed slightly and disappeared behind a tree to put on the tutu. Things were about to get creepier.

-Line Break-

"Where's the sound village?" Temari asked.

"How should I know? Oh great there's another one." Shikamaru replied. Another ninja popped out from some random location and blocked their path. This time it was a woman. Her hand was on one of her hips. The four ninja were forced to stop once more.

"Hahaha!" She giggled in a high pitched girly tone, covering her mouth with one hand. "Ugh, you guys are like wasting your like time like oh my god."

"What?" Temari asked, confused with why she was saying 'like' after every word. "Listen Barbie, MOVE so we can go find Sasuke."

"Like, I'm so hot." She said, flipping back her hair with one hand, the other remained on her hip. "My name is like Tayuya and I'm like 'spose to like kick your butts or like something." She explained.

"Naruto! Gaara! Go on we're gonna stay back here and kill this whack job." Shikamaru called over his shoulder. Naruto and Gaara continued without a word.

"What the hell are with all these whack jobs?" Gaara asked. Naruto was mumbling something to himself; he swore a few times then looked at Gaara.

"What?" He asked. Gaara rolled his eyes and didn't respond. He just kept moving silently. Would he and Naruto run into any more whack jobs on their mission to find Sasuke?

A/N: Look, I know I kind of pushed almost everyone out of the way quick, but when there is a lot of people, I tend to lose track of who is there so I wind up writing about one or three people and forgetting that the rest are there. Anyway look forward to the next chapter because there are some new people and some are coming back into the picture. Anyway see you in chapter 10!


	10. Alcoholic

Gaara's Journal

Chapter 10 – Alcoholic

A lot of time had passed since Naruto or Gaara had encountered any whack jobs. "I wonder if everyone is okay…" Naruto said, finally breaking the silence.

"I'm sure they're fine. Well, my siblings are anyway. You're pathetic comrades must be dead by now." Gaara exclaimed.

"Alright dude. What is your problem!?" I mean this whole time you just sat there and made fun of everyone!" Naruto yelled. Gaara sighed as they both came to a stop.

"Listen blondie, I have a lot of issues and I know that you do too. So the next whack job that we face, he's mine alright?" Gaara said, hoping that this mission would soon come to an end.

"Fine." Naruto simply replied. While they were arguing, they didn't notice that the endless forest had actually come to an end. They were standing in a large, wide open field. However, they weren't the only ones standing in it.

"So this is the last of the sound ninja 5 eh?" A boy said. From Gaara and Naruto's point of view, he was standing to the left. Dressed in nothing but spandex, his hand was up as if gesturing his opponent to come towards him, and the other held behind his back.

"Hey, I thought that there were only 4 of these sound peoples." Naruto whispered. He and Gaara were still in one of the trees.

"I don't know. Why are we sitting here like rocks anyway? We should be helping him." Gaara said. The look Naruto was giving him!

"D-Did you just say that we should _help _him?!" Naruto asked, his voice almost became a whisper. Lee and the last of the sound ninja stared in their direction.

"So, it looks as though we have some spies." The sound ninja said. He smiled an evil smile. "I suppose I'll just have to eliminate you all."

"Gaara! Naruto! Sup guys? I don't really need your help! Go and bring back Sasuke eh?" Lee explained.

"Didn't you just have surgery? Nope I'm staying." Gaara said. He walked over to Lee and stood in front of him.

"Alright. I'll go get Sasuke." Naruto said, disappearing once again into the endless forest.

"This is Kimimaro," Lee began, "he uses bones to attack from his own body."

"Bones? Bwahahaha! Don't make me laugh. I will crush them. Well Kimimaro, prepare to die." By the time Gaara had finished that statement, Kimimaro began to attack with one of his own bones. He must be a fish because you would die without bones. Who the hell does that!? As Gaara blocked the bones from Kimimaro's fingertips that had came flying at him like bullets, Lee pulled out a bottle and drank the liquid inside.

"What are you doing?" Gaara asked turning around. Lee was on the ground along with the open bottle which lay next to him. Lee appeared to be sleeping. Kimimaro caught Gaara off guard and tried to attack Lee. He was about to impale Lee with one of his bones, but as soon as it came within a foot of Lee's face, he sprung up and drop kicked Kimimaro in the head.

"Gottcha eh?" Lee said standing up wearily. He was all over the place.

"Dude I got this!" Gaara called back, blocking Lee from Kimimaro. The enemy looked bored. He stood at a distance, exchanging evil glances with Gaara. Alas he put off the battle.

"Would you prefer to just wait until he is sober?" Kimimaro asked sitting down. Gaara nodded and did the same. While they were waiting, Gaara recalled his journal that was still with him. There wasn't really anything to do and he hadn't written in it in a while.

_Entry 9, Alcoholic_

_Damn. That green dude is drunk. You know, Lee "of the Mounties" as he calls himself. Kimimaro (the enemy) and I are just going to wait until Lee is not drunk anymore. I could really go for some cookies right now. Sam I am definitely raiding your kitchen later._

Gaara put the journal in his gourd. All of a sudden, his cell phone went off. Gaara had one of those Nextel phones. You know the walkie talkie ones. "Dude, why the hell do you have the sponge bob theme song as your ring tone?" Kimimaro asked, backing away slightly. Gaara said nothing and answered his phone. Kimimaro couldn't help but listen to the conversation.

"Sponge bob this is Sandy. You are not raiding my cabinets later. I have real kunais." The person said from the other side. It sounded like a girl's voice.

"Sandy this is not a good time." Gaara said. When "Sandy" said "I mean it Gaara!" he hung up without a reply. I am Sandy by the way. I has shurikens too so Gaara can't half ass my cabinets like he did the other day. Now back to the story. Kimimaro gave Gaara the "what the fuck?" look. "Long story." Gaara said.

"Ugh what happened eh?" Lee asked, walking toward them. Kimimaro and Gaara finally stood after what felt like a painfully long time.

"Never mind that." Said Gaara. Once again, his phone rang. This time it was a song sung by Miley Cyrus. Both Kimimaro and Lee backed away. "SHUT UP!" yelled Gaara as the other two giggled.

"Gaara report back to the village. This is serious." The other voice said. It was Baki and he sounded seriously pissed off about something. Gaara hung up the phone and turned toward the others.

"I'll be back. Don't fight yet. I need to do something!" And with that, Gaara left. Kimimaro signed heavily and sat down again.

"Why the hell did I even bother to go on this mission?" Kimimaro mumbled. He looked over at Lee who still smiled even after the fact that he had to wait until Gaara got back to fight. Probably thinking about Guy in that spandex again… "What is your name kid?" Kimimaro asked finally.

"Oh, I am Rock Lee of the Mounties eh!" Lee replied.

"You got any more of that medicine?" Kimimaro also asked. This was going to be a long wait.

"Yeah sure here is the other bottle eh!" Lee replied. When Gaara arrived at his rebuilt home back at Sunagakure, he met Baki in the kitchen Temari and Kankuro sat at the table. They didn't look too happy either.

"Explain this." Baki said, holding up a piece of paper. There were a few TV show titles, each with prices next to them. In the top left corner it said "Comcast on Demand".

"I don't know what?" Gaara asked. Baki slammed the paper on the table causing the other two sand ninja to flinch.

"THIS!" he yelled pointing at the "Girls Gone Wild" title.

"It was Kankuro's fault!" Gaara calmly replied. Kankuro jumped up from the table.

"Nu-uh! It was him!" Kankuro shouted and pointed at Gaara like a little kid.

"ENOUGH!" Baki shouted. He sounded aggravated now. "I will find out who did it later but for now, the two of you owe me four dollars. Two each!"

"Thanks Gaara." Kankuro mumbled with a scornful look on his face. Gaara shook his head reluctantly.

"It's not really my fault cat man. I did not know that the program contained pornography, which I am not particularly into, unlike you." Gaara explained. Temari gasped and recoiled from Kankuro.

"_You_ are the one who has been looking up porn on the internet! Kankuro how could you?! That is just plain sick. You know what; I just might burn that computer in case. I don't even want to know what you did in the chair. As a matter of fact I'll burn that too." Temari said her voice fading as she walked into the living room.

"Yes as a matter of fact, I saw Kankuro laughing out of the corner of my eye." Gaara said, smirking.

"WHAT? You were screaming and covering your eyes how could you?" Kankuro was about to say more but Baki silenced him. They both wound up paying the bill anyway. Gaara was about to go into his room and tune everyone out by blasting his ipod which had all of his favorite Disney music on it (oops did I say too much?), but then recalled the mission that he had not completed yet…if you even called it a mission.

Meanwhile back at the open field, Kimimaro and Lee totally lost it. Lee was rolling around on the ground in his underwear, and Kimimaro was singing Hillary Duff songs, holding a stick in his right hand as if it were a microphone. After a while, Kimimaro started to come back to his senses. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Didn't a boy say that he was going to return? Kimimaro looked over at Lee who was actually asleep this time.

"Sakura...yes I will go out with you if you promise me that you aren't really a guy." Lee said. Kimimaro laughed to himself softly. Suddenly, a boy emerged from the tall green trees on the opposite side of the field. Yes, it was the same boy as earlier. He had actually returned. Kimimaro unsteadily rose to his feet. Gaara looked over at Lee first, but when he saw Lee in his pink underwear that said "Youth" on the butt, Gaara almost hurled. _Great, another mental scar. Just what I needed._ Gaara thought.

"So are we going to fight now?" Kimimaro asked, yawning then looking at Gaara. Gaara studied Kimimaro from afar. He decided that his sand would probably crush Kimimaro's bones. Gaara also noticed that he was pretty quick on his feet. Maybe that was the solution…. Yes, Gaara would definitely persuade him into that.

"How about I make a deal with you." Gaara said. Kimimaro's eyes drifted to another direction, then he nodded and gestured Gaara to go on. "I've noticed that you are quick on your feet. How about we play a game of dance dance revolution. If I win, I get to crush you with super ultra mega sand coffin, also known as sand tsunami. If you win, you get to go do whatever you like. Bowl cut and I will not interfere. What do you say?" Gaara explained. Kimimaro seemed to take interest in his deal. He smiled.

"I accept. Let's do this." Kimimaro replied. Gaara frowned at the fact that Kimimaro just stole his line, but he went on with the deal and they began to play. Gaara went first. It was mostly perfect because Gaara has funk power (as seen on "The Naruto Abridged Series" on youtube). Gaara wound up having a four hundred note streak at the end and a very high score. Now it was Kimimaro's turn. Gaara could see that he was a little nervous. The game began and Gaara watched as Kimimaro had a good start, but towards the middle of the song, his skills went downhill. He failed to hit a few arrows, and in the end, his scored wasn't even close to Gaara's. Kimimaro turned in his direction, seeing Gaara's hand rise, preparing to kill him on the spot.

"Oh shit…" Kimimaro said, trying to run away. The whole forest was smothered in sand. Kimimaro lay in the middle of it all, a mere ant from Gaara's point of view.

"SUPER ULTRA MEGA SAND COFFIN!" Gaara said clenching his hand into a fist. The earth shook for a moment, and then it was all over. Lee appeared behind Gaara (fully dressed now), and frightened him with a simple hello. Gaara was somewhat glad to see the alcoholic still alive. They both agreed to go find Naruto as soon as possible. Lee was actually still in shock that Gaara was going to help instead of attempt to kill him again. Gaara sighed. _With all of this shit I could write a novel._ He thought.


End file.
